


Between A Rock and A Hot Place

by Atulreiter



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Action/Adventure, Airbending & Airbenders, Bisexual Aang, Book 1: Water (Avatar), Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Memories, Family Feels, Firebending & Firebenders, Growing Up, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Legend of Korra Doesn't Exist To Me, M/M, Mostly Canon Compliant, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reader-Insert, Romantic Fluff, Survivor Guilt, War, Waterbending & Waterbenders, male reader - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-11 02:36:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15305535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atulreiter/pseuds/Atulreiter
Summary: As a child, you didn't care much for the war.It was to be expected to some extent: too stupid to understand politics; too young to've learned the history; too naive to see it as something bad.But you didn't care.And youwouldn'tcare.Not until you were fifteen. Not until you met the Avatar.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a story I started such a long time ago when I was a kid and ATLA was still relatively new. I guess nostalgia's made me want to finish and share it. It's mostly canon-compliant and follows The Gaang from "Jet" all the way to the end. 
> 
> The final pairing is Aang/Reader and the reader is male because neither category has enough fics in my opinion. This'll be a long story with a long way to go and I can't promise to update regularly because unfortunately I do have a life outside of having fun but I'll do my best. For now, I suppose that's it for me. Happy reading!

            As a child, you didn't care much for the war.

            It was to be expected to some extent.

            You were seven. Too stupid to understand politics. Too young to've learned the history. Too naive to see it as something bad.

            Fighting wasn't good. You knew that much. But sometimes it was necessary. You knew it better than most. You had two younger twin siblings.

            But when you were eight and five almost became six, suddenly things didn't sit quite right in your soul. You brushed it off as anxiety. You'd never been away from home before but your father insisted you were going somewhere better. There was more space, he said. You'd get to see the world, he gushed. It sounded nice and it was for a second after you got used to the changes.

            Green replaced Red. The names rolled a little differently and the food wasn't as flavorful. There was dirt and wood instead of stone and iron. Skintones were darker. Eyes were like grass...but you loved it.

            You were nine and in the last year, you and your family had thrown yourselves into this new land. You had a home that was a little too big since your new sibling had turned out to be only a strange feeling on your mother's part but you didn't mind and neither did the Earth Kingdom villagers until you turned ten.

            Then the Red returned. Seeping into the earth. Into the clothes. Into the food. Into those darkening hearts.

            There were more Fire Nation citizens settling in now. You didn't mind in the begining. But that was in the begining. Before the rumors started. Before the looks and before the distrust.

            At eleven you still didn't understand. It didn't make sense--how someplace could feel so much like home and yet so terribly foreign. Like sewing on a new patch of fabric into an old shirt. It was fixed and it fit but it felt wrong and looked even worse.

            You were twelve. Your mother was pregnant. For real this time. You could see it.

            You were happy. You were about the only one.

            "Just how many is she going to have?"

            "At this rate, we won't need to wait for their army. They'll build one of their own."

            "Maybe that's their plan."

            "Are they really coming?"

            "What could they want with this place?"

            "[Name]!"

            You jumped at the sound of your name shouted out in such an excited manner. Sparks danced at your fingertips. Your stomach felt hot.

           "Oops! Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you!"

            That voice was familiar. The first thing you saw upon turning around was a bright grin in a pale face and spiky brown hair. Your shoulders sagged in relief.

            Liu Lim. His family had come to the colony not too long ago. His appearance was probably not the best thing considering the current mood. Too many Fire Nation citizens in one place unnerved the villagers (when did you stop counting yourself among them?) but you felt better with him there all the same. His confidence was comforting.

            His eyes, darker than most and closer to brown than gold, slid over to your mother when he noticed her pressing her hands harshly to her abdomen, "Ah, sorry, Mrs. [L. Name]. Guess I scared you, too. Geez! You guys are always so jumpy now!"

            Your mother merely smiled and dismissed the two of you as ignorant children. She was only half-right.

            "That's normal, isn't it? Listen to what people are saying," you sighed and turned away.

            Liu Lim fell into step with you as you trailed along after your mother. A frown twisted his lips, "Agh, well, who cares? They're just mad because we're winning the war. That's what my dad says. He's at an outpost near the coast." You had nothing to say to that but even if you did Liu Lim wouldn't have given you a chance. "Is that why you never come outside anymore? Because of what they say? Aww, [Name]! Just throw a couple fireballs at their feet and they'll leave you alone--"

            "It's not that," you rushed to say when a woman with black hair and hazel eyes glared and flinched away from her melon stand at your approach. The last thing you needed was for another vendor to start denying you service. It's why you had to come with you mother in the first place. They could deny you but they couldn't deny an adult. "I've just been busy with Go and Ri since Mom's..."

            "Yeah, she's pretty huge. Are you excited?"

            "I'm...trying to be..." You murmured. Something about the saleswoman was strange...

            In any case you supposed it was a good thing you weren't over the Sun about your mother's pregnancy. She had a miscarriage two days later.

            You were thirteen when the soldiers came.

            It was funny in a way because the villagers brought it on themselves. They wouldn't have come if they hadn't started attacking their Fire Nation neighbors. You had no pity for them. They were the reason you smothered your new siblings with a fierce protectiveness you never imagined you'd possess.

            You closed your eyes to their pain and you grew bold and strong under the protection of your Nation's military support. You did not care for the war but you did not care for the Earth Kingdom either.

            You were fourteen when things started to balance out a little. The soldiers were a common presence now. Open hate crimes were largely a thing of the past. The people were scared. The Green had been snuffed out by powdery Red...

            And you didn't care.

            And you wouldn't care until you were fifteen.


	2. All Aboard

            Life on a Fire Nation cruiser was surprisingly droll. After hearing so many stories about people who died, warriors who became legends, and heroes who fell brutally to the Earth Kingdom savages during basic training, you were expecting a bit more danger. Anxiety had gnawed at your innards ever since you learned you were being shipped out early and yet the most terrifying thing you'd seen thus far had been a sea lion. 

             At least you had additional training to keep you occupied on board. The others were forced into tedious and usually unnecessary domestic affairs like cleaning and cooking to keep themselves busy. Even still, early mornings and late evenings were periods of inactivity for most of the ship's inhabitants. 

 

            Resting was popular at this time though it differed not at all from any other. There were those who brushed up on their fighting skills. A select few found some sort of mischief to get into to break the rut threatening to overtake the crew as the days dragged on. You chose to visit the mailroom. 

             You removed your helmet as you entered, tucking it under your arm as you quietly stepped into the room. The clink of your boots on the metal floors were too loud to your ears. It certainly drew the attention of the clerk--a soldier with wide yellow eyes, silky black shoulder-length curls, and white skin. 

             "Picking up or sending off," she said without looking up from her work.

               "Both. Maybe. Depending on if anything's come for me?" 

            Her face contorted, clearly put off by your pubescent voice. You offered a tiny smile. She didn't return it and instead turned away. You were surprised when she suddenly dropped out of view but you heard her shuffling footsteps moving forward. A moment later the top of her head bobbed in and out of your line of sight and it occured to you that she was just incredibly short, "Name?" 

             You gave it to her and waited while she dug around in the back. The mailroom itself was a small enclave tucked into the corners across from the kitchens within the tower built atop the main deck. In the early days of the journey, it saw decent traffic. As the distance from land increased, however, fewer messages came in and out and fewer soldiers stopped by. These days only you and maybe two others came in for personal updates. The rest were military missives that interested you not at all. 

            Usually anyway.  

            There was a vague sense of unrest though that left you just a little curious. Nothing interesting ever happened on the ship. Some news must've come in that got the gossip mill turning. You could hear it from the men seated closest to the door. You didn't mean to eavesdrop but at this point in your life it was nearly secondnature. 

            "Did you hear? We'll have to double our speed if we're going to make it to the Coast."

             "On time?"

            "At all!"

            "What?! Who was slacking?"

            "No one! Apparently, the sea rig we were supposed to stop at to refuel was overrun by it's own prisoners."

            "Really?!"

            "Yeah but that was almost a week ago! No one heard about it 'cuz everyone there was tossed into the ocean."

            "Damn the Earth Kingdom! Just when we started making headway..."

            "But wait, if they hijacked the ships then how did the news get out?"

            "A couple ships tried to refuel and sent out hawks when they couldn't but..." 

            "In other words, we might want to hit land as soon as possible and travel across in a roundabout way rather than straight up the rivers."

            "'S lookin' like it. There's no other way to make it back otherwise unless we get someone to send out a team of sea lions. We've used too much coal."

            "Not  _all_ of us, surely--"

            "No. We still have other stops to make. If fuel's going to be a problem we can't afford to waste time. We'll have to break up into smaller groups and--"

            "[Name]!" Your back unconsciously straightened and you turned sharply--

           --But it was only Liu Lim. 

            Puberty had treated him cruelly thus far. The inate grace threatened by his increasingly top-heavy form suffered even further from his large feet. 

            "There you are! I knew I'd find you here."

            "Hey. Did you need something?"

            "No. Well, yeah, but not for me." You wrinkled your brows. He waved a hand dismissively with a casual grin. "Wanao needs us outside." 

            "Oh. Is it important? I'm kind of waiting for something..."

            "I don't think so. If it was he wouldn't have let me come look for you," he said, flicking at a loose thread on his sleeve. 

            "How long did it take you to find me?"

            "Not long. Maybe ten minutes."

            "...Right. Uhm, excuse me, ma'am--"

            "Just a second. You've got two here already. I want to make sure it's not three--"

            "I'll just come back for the rest if there are," you interjected as delicately as you could. You knew better than to trust Liu Lim's judgement. 

            "Hmph. As you like," she said and held out two, tiny, loosely rolled scrolls. You frowned at the obvious signs of tampering but there was nothing to be done. You snagged a spare roll and a tiny brush and ink well, stuffing the latter into your pockets as you left.

            "Ooh! Are those from home?" Liu Lim peered curiously into your hands as you threaded the papers into the belt of your uniform. You inclined your head and twisted the handle on the door leading onto the deck.

            "[Name]! Liu Lim! Took you long enough! Come on! I've got a job for you."

            You bowed before the tall brunet, falling into step behind him when he turned on his heel. You expected to be led across the metal expanse, down into the cargoholds to maybe haul stock around as some higher ranked soldier counted them off. Instead Wanao made a sharp left and folded his arms deliberately across his chest.

            Silence stretched on for a moment as you tried to figure out what it was he wanted from you. You came up short and ventured, "...Uh, sir--"

            "Well, climb up, child. You won't see anything from down here."

            It took his prompting for you to notice the rungs built into the metal skin of the tower. A quick look up revealed the platform you always overlooked whenever you approached. 

            "What's up there--?"

            The neutral light shining in Wanao's amber eyes darkened at Liu Lim's reluctant tone. His bushy brows shifting down only made the expression that much more severe, "Don't ask questions; just do as you're told for once in your life!"

            And though he was slender, Wanao was strong and he nearly tossed Liu Lim up the wall with one hand when he dragged him forward. You didn't wait for him to reach for you before moving to follow the younger boy, "Keep an eye out for storm clouds and any rogue pirate ships."

            You faltered a little at the strange order, "Not enemy ones?"

            Wanao scoffed, "I didn't think I'd have to state the obvious. You shouldn't see too many of them though. We're still in neutral territory. Just look out for anything that stands out and tell someone what it is if you do." 

            Easy enough. "Yes, sir."

            The wind was stronger and the ocean seemed larger and the sky felt like it was a hair's width away from touching your head but after the first hour, the novelty had worn off and slowly but surely boredom imbedded its claws into your senses--dulling them to keep you from going insane from the unchanging uniformity the result of which left you quite dazed.  

             Liu Lim was unable to resist the call of sleep after the second hour and did not wake until around the third. You used the temporary silence to read through your letters. 

              _ **[Name],**  _it read. You recognized the caligraphy style as that of your father.  _ **My darling boy. We were so excited to get your last message. As always they make your mother and I feel bittersweet. You're gone but you're still alive and that's the best thing though I will say being chosen for a transporting assignment rather than a infantry one comes at a close second. I wish probably very selfishly that you did not shine so brightly and draw so much attention to yourself. I am proud of your resolve to keep your promise to Liu's parents but I fear they chose him not because of his gifts but because our navy is running low on resources...Please, [Name]. I will not ask you to go against your word. In the end that is all anyone really has. But just be careful.**_

             There was more on the page but it was in a smaller, less refined print. You decided to reply to your parents before moving on to your siblings. With the spare roll you'd snagged hours before, you wrote:

            'I know you don't like me being on the water with the Water Tribes as active as they are but it really is probably the safest place for me. They have to find us in the middle of an entire ocean. It's different on land when we're walking right into enemy territory. We'll be landing soon. The coal is running out. The Earthbenders reclaimed it and we can't easily find another place to refuel as far as I understand. The Earth Kingdom is very strong and they don't submit easily. I'll look into additional training though so I'll be ready for whatever comes. I--'

  
            You stopped writing and simply stared at the tiny paragraph until you weren't really seeing it at all. You didn't much like to lie to your parents but if their reactions were anything to go by, the truth would be too stressful. You'd have to scratch out that bit about the coal running out and having to travel across land. It was only a rumor after all. No point in worrying them unnecessarily. 

_[Name]! Hi!,_ your little sister (one of them anyway) sent.  _When are you coming back? It's been two years already! Yiyue and her family haven't bothered us in a while but I'm starting to get worried and Naichi and Doya are getting older and Gotsuki's more interested in girls than helping Dad and I keep them out of trouble and--_

You didn't bother waiting until the end to respond: 

            'Hi, Ritsuka. I'm sorry you're having trouble but at least now you get to see how it was for me with you and Go! I don't say that to taunt you--just to make you hopefully feel close to me since I don't think I'll be back any time soon.' 

            You paused to consider those words. They weren't entirely true. 

            Officially, the ship was supposed to travel down a number of waterways, dropping off supplies and provisions to both outposts and Fire Nation colonies alike. Still, making port wasn't in the itenerary and you would sooner sail North through the inland sea to wrap back around towards the Main Land than veer off to vacation at home. Even if you could, though, you weren't ready yet. 

            Yiyue and her family have been out for yours for years. It was only your position as a soldier that kept them sufficiently frightened enough to leave your family in peace. If you returned home now with only a few silly sword tricks who knew what they'd get up to. As much as you wanted to go home, you couldn't risk it. Not until you had the proper skills that would ensure everyone's safety.

              _Here! We drew you a picture! It's not very good but they're only two so._

You tilted your head and unfurled the other roll of parchment. A grin tugged at your mouth when you saw the picture of a disfigured cat-owl and it's babies playing in what you assumed was a forest. It truly was awful in it's miscolorings and smudging. A similar variation blotted out sections of the letter portion of the message, too, which to be honest had confused you at first and made you suspect your superiors of filtering your mail but it seemed two terrible twos were the cause of the mess instead. You could accept this turn of events.  

            'I feel bad,' you wrote after you'd taken in every detail you could manage. 'Naichi and Doya will probably not know who I am by then so please give them enough love for the both of us, will yo--'

            "Agh! This is so  _boring_!" Liu Lim groused suddenly. You nearly tossed your tiny handful into the sea, he'd scared you so badly. 

            "...It's watch duty, Liu," you explained when you managed to get your heart to calm down a little. You subtly tucked your things away and made a show of looking at the different hues labeling sky from sea. Not that Liu Lim would have noticed. He was too busy scowling down at everything. 

              "It's also been  _hours_!" He yelled so loudly no one down below could pretend not to have heard him caviling on. When the very same garnered no response from you, he took to obnoxiously scraping his armor against the metal rails as he made his way over to you. "Look! The Sun's moved halfway across the sky! When is someone  _else_ going to come up here so we can take a break?" 

             You shrugged. He huffed and twisted until he was facing the waves as you were, dangling and flailing his arms through the open air as if doing so would change what he saw, "What are we even watching for? There's nothing out here but water. Water--Water for days!" He whined, turning in each direction to emphasize his point. "I need land! I need trees! I need  _something_ other than this  _stupid blue--!_ "

 

            "Then keep an eye out for clouds," you sighed. "It's what we're supposed to be doing anyway--"

            "I thought we were supposed to be looking for enemy warships..." 

            You weren't surprised he hadn't listened to the leading seaman's brief speech before leaving you up here earlier in the day. You filled him in, "We're still in Fire Nation waters. Right now the only thing we need to be careful of is a storm--"

            "How do you stay so calm?!" He burst out. "Here I am, about ready to lose my mind and you're just--! Just--!" He gestured to your person as if doing so was descriptive enough. You supposed in a way it was. 

             "Standing here," you supplied. "Relaxing. You should try it. Feel the breeze~ Smell the sea~"

             "Oh, shut up!" He shoved you hard enough to make you stumble. You laughed. It was cut short by a fierce authorative yell. 

            " _ **Oi!** " _Someone was waving their arm agitatedly to grab your attention. The mask covering his face denounced him as a soldier of higher rank. Immediately you sobered up. "Quit playing around up there before someone gets hurt!"

             "Aye, Mr. Whoever-You-Are, but I'm getting kind of hungry! Can we come down yet?!" 

             " _No!"_

            " _Please?!"_

            The indignation seemed to flow up just as strong as the ocean breeze, "What kind of soldier cries like a baby over food when an entire army--"

            "The kind who's very much  _still_  a baby at heart, thank you! One who's pretty damn  _tired,_ too, if you don't mind me saying so, sir!"

            "Ugh!" The man sputtered. "Just what kind of--?! Just-- _No_ shame. No respect whatsoever--!"

             "Aww, c'mon! There's nothing to see here! Can't we come down at least to pee?"

            You couldn't hear it from so far up but you imagined the man scoffed if the way he tossed his head was any indication. He turned, fully committed to going back about his way but Liu Lim wasn't about to give up so easily. He gripped the edge of the railing and leaned out as far as he dared, "Okay, fine, but just think about your own son at 14 years old and ask yourself if you'd make him go through this, too!"

            "You realize they'll probably keep us up here twice as long now."

             "...Yeah, well..." Liu Lim squinted his dark honey eyes--warring quite obviously with himself over whether he would remain so stubbornly unrepentant or not.

             You smiled and dropped a hand onto his padded shoulder. "If it makes you feel any better, I heard we might have to unload and travel by foot."

             "Really?!" 

             "Yeah," you nodded. "Well, maybe only a platoon will anyway. Not everyone has to go and there are other outposts to--"

             " _It must be me_!" He wheezed. "I have to go!" Desperation dilated his pupils and angled his jaw. "I won't have it any other way!" Steam wafted up out of his ears.

             "Geez, you're so restless."

             Liu Lim blinked, momentarily drawn away from his obsessing. But then his thick brows furrowed and a hungry grin curled his mouth, "Because I finally get to fight like my father does!" He gushed, throwing out a fist and reveling in the huge angry fiery wisp that burst forth into the empty sky. Distant voices rose up in dissent in response but they were largely ignored. 

             You pushed air lightly out of your nose and leaned sideways against the railing, "Why do you want to fight so bad--"

            Liu Lim snorted dirisively, "Why are  _you_  so  _scared_  to fight?" 

            Your back straightened and your brows pulled down and your nostrils flared in affront. Thankfully no one was around to hear his words but you still didn't appreciate them. 

            "I'm not  _scared_. I just don't think you should be so eager to go up against experienced Earthbenders until you're sure you can win--"

            "I  _can_ win. My fire is  _hot_. You'll see," he assured you with a distracted grin, too focused on the fire tumbling and rolling in his palms.

           You tried not to sound jealous when you stressed, " _No_ , I  _won't._ Because this is a cargo ship and--"

           He sighed impatiently. The fire in his hands pulsed. "Yeah, yeah. I  _know_. Technically we're not  _supposed_ to leave the boat til we finish all the extra training but come on, [Name]! We're  _good_! It's why they tacked us on with the rest of these old geezers instead of making us stay back on the Main Land with the others, right?"

            You hummed noncommittally. "I don't think mid twenties is very old--"

              "Sorry, did you say something?"

            You waved him away and turned your attention back to the water, "No. Nothing at all."

 --

            You had fire drills late in the afternoon the next day. You weren't looking forward to them. Neither was Liu Lim though admittedly his reasons were different.  

            "The Sun's going down! My bending will be weak!" He complained as he always did right before you began. After the first night, you suspected he kept it up just so you could have an excuse for why your fighting was subpar. Granted it was viable and no one called him out on it, it was still annoying and you dropped your head onto your shoulder with a sigh.

            Your drill instructor paid neither of you any mind. His eyes--hard and beady like two Tiger's Eye gems on a necklace--criticized your stances as he moved around you both in slow circles, "Breathe in. I said  _breathe_ \--not gulp. You're not going to die; just take in some air through your nose and hold it!"

            Liu Lim narrowed his bronze eyes challengingly but Seigyo was a professional. He'd burn the brunet to a crisp before Liu Lim could even lift an arm to strike. You both inhaled. 

            Three seconds later. 

           Five seconds.

           Ten--

           Liu Lim squeaked and released. Seigyo turned his full attention to you. It was intimidating. You closed your eyes. 

           Twelve seconds. 

           Fifteen--

           The air pushed out of your nose involuntarily and your shoulders sagged.

            "Again," he barked. "And this time do it right." You breathed in once more--chest cavity expanding in the hopes that you would last longer this time-- "Again."

            Your brow furrowed. There wasn't any time to get enough--

            "Again!"

            You closed your eyes. 

            "Again," Seigyo demanded over and over and over and over until you felt light-headed, until you felt like you should be panting for breath instead of holding it in. Then he switched. "Breathe out.  _What is that_? I said out! How do you expect to make fire with those weak puffs?! Breathe, damn it!  _Slowly!_  You're not a polar bear dog even if you do smell like one!" 

           A spattering of laughter alerted you to your growing audience. Embarassent swirled in your gut. The weight of their eyes pressed heavily on your shoulders. You cast yours away--to the ground, to the horizon bleached yellow and orange and dusted with pink. It was hard to get a steady stream of forceful air to come out but--"Do it more!"

            "I'm  _trying--_ " You started to say, quite put out with Seigyo's ceaseless demands and criticisms. 

            The raven sneered, "Are you? I couldn't tell."

            "Oh, what would you know about it?!" Liu Lim burst out in light of the resulting jeers. 

            Seigyo moved almost faster than you could see but the explosion of heat was unmistakable. A full-bellied fire stream bathed your vision in red. You could not stop his attack and you weren't skilled enough to block or defuse it but when he released it, you threw out a hand. 

            It felt like a kick to the chest. 

           You gasped as your breath was sucked away. 

           Did you try to reclaim it or did you let the fire consume it? Neither option felt right and your indecision seemed to make the flames roar more fiercely. There was enough chaotic energy in the fire to make Seigyo's stream swirl. At the last moment, the new dynamic angled the wave of heat so that it cast off in an arc just above your heads rather than into your faces as had clearly been the raven's objective. 

             But you were tiring quickly. Your arm dropped. You rushed to replace it with the other but nothing happened. Your head swam. You leaned forward onto your knees and gulped down air. 

             Above you the torrent ceased but you didn't notice. Your heart was too busy thudding in your ears, terrified at the angry footsteps stalking in your direction, "Who gave you the right to interfere?!  _I'm_ the instructor!  _I_ can control my bending! If I want to take your eyebrows off for insubbordination that is my right! Who are you to deny me?!"

            "I'm sorry, sir," you wheezed. "I didn't--it just happened--"

            "'It just happened,'" he sneered. "No,  _that's_ what happens when you don't breathe properly!" He spat, gesturing to your hunched gasping form. "You have no power! No strength! You can't even form a clean burst when you think you're life is in danger!"

             Your brows pulled down and you shook your head, "It's hard--"

            "Is it?" He mocked. The crowd laughed. Your mouth twisted. "How much harder do you think it's going to be when someone's throwing 300 pounds of rock in your face?! You think that puny puff of redirection is going to save you? Is that the best you can summon on  _instinct_? So when this fool," Seigyo demands, jerking his chin in Liu Lim's direction when you couldn't respond fast enough. "Mouths off to the wrong person and is about to get his ass handed to him, you're going to curl up into a ball and cry about how hard it is? You're going to let those dirt-eating hog-monkeys crush him flat all because you can't work up the nerve to make a real fireball to save somebody's life?!"

             "Hey! If anything, I'd be saving his--"

            " _Shut up!_ " Seigyo screeched and brandished a band of fire like a whip. The resulting silence was deafening. He turned back to you, shoving at your shoulder roughly. "Well? Are you?!"

            " _No_ ," you bit out. It only happened once and you wouldn't tolerate it again. " _Never._ " 

            "Then start acting like it! Breathe out!"

            You sighed and let that pass for obedience. 

            Just how did  _you_ always end up the one getting yelled at when Liu Lim was the one constantly causing trouble? 

            Maybe the boy was right. This wasn't very fair at all.

 --

            It was morning. After dropping off your letters to be sent out, you went for breakfast.

            You weren't exactly hungry but you had weapon's training later. You were better with spears than fire and though they'd set it for when the Sun was at it's highest as an added bonus, you didn't want to turn down the extra energy. 

            You could admit you had something to prove as you claimed your ration and retreated from the room teeming with quiet snickers and malicious pointing.  

           Seigyo--he constantly made you look weak in front of the entire ship (or at least the parts that didn't have anything better to do than watch two teenagers get physically and verbally burned all the time by a grown man). You didn't like it. It made you angry. 

           "My, oh, my. Isn't that a scary face."

           Your eyes, devoid of their usual patience, flashed up to meet those of the person who'd addressed you. 

            He was a huge man--tall and severely overmuscled. He didn't wear the complete uniform. You couldn't tell if it was because he didn't want to or if it was just physically impossible. His dark eyes glittered despite being cast into shadow by his overbearing brows. You tried not to scowl. 

            "Sir," you said simply and if your tone wasn't exactly reverent, well, then he could kiss your--

            "Nah, son. None o' that," he dimissed with a waving flap of his giant hand. "I'm not a officer."

            "But you're older and most likely of higher rank," you explained, in no mood to dust your tone with powdered sugar. "That's what I should call you--"

           "Nah, you see that?"

           "What," you bit out. 

           "That. If you used that hostility in yer bending, you'd be all right."

            You narrowed your eyes and stuffed a piece of sweetened meat into your mouth. So this person had seen your pathetic sputtering, too. Great. "Yes, I know. Everyone's a critic."

            He hummed and it seemed to fill the tiny corridor better than the dull red lamps, "Nah, I'd say most are just bored and using ya for entertainment. I just wanna help ya. You need to get mad." 

           "How can I focus on proper bending techniques if I'm angry? That doesn't even make sense." Emotions clouded people's judgement. You weren't supposed to feel, you were supposed to fight. Not that you cared much for doing that either but still! It was contradictory.

            "You don't need propriety, son. You just need things to burn. Leave all that technical crap to the guys in charge and just point your fist at the people who hurt you."

            You frowned and stomped down viciously on the images your memories conjured, "The people who hurt me aren't here."

            "That's true. But the people who'd  _like_  to hurt you, they're everywhere out there, aren't they. Are you really going to wait until  _after_  they get ya? It'll be too late then." 

            _It'll be too late_...Something about those words made you sick.

             Maybe because he was right. 

            When you were younger, you'd hesitated. You didn't act because they hadn't and it cost you your younger sister or brother and almost your own life and your mother's. And later, instead of fighting you locked yourself away and that just made things worse when you could've--no. You shook your head. There was no point in getting into it now. You refocused on the conversation as unexpected as it was, "But how do I get angry at people who haven't done anything to me personally? It's not like  _they_ can make up for it. And they could just be following orders just like we are."

            "True again. But personal or not, they all have one thing in common, don't they? They hate the Fire Nation and would rather see us destroyed then share in our good fortune."

             "But  _why_?" That didn't make any sense and no one you asked could ever give you a reason that did. "If we're only trying to bring the world together and share everyone's resources with each other then why are they fighting us?"

            "Because they're selfish." So simple an answer. So easily offered with so little thought involved and yet you couldn't deny the truth in it. Had you not witnessed the very same as a child when those villagers refused to share their food or their time or even their friendship with you because you were Fire Nation and they were not? Did they not become angry and violent when they could no longer flaunt their posessions and your subsequent lack thereof in your face? When you'd stopped kowtowing to them? When you'd started taking what you needed to live instead of whining and begging them to spare it?

            "...They're monsters..." You murmured when you thought back to the screaming and the  _pressure_ and the blood...Those cruel smiles, so smug as they left you there to die.

            "They are," the man's tone lifted with pleasure at your understanding and he nodded. "Just remember that when you need to run them to the ground and you'll be all right." 

            "...Right," you murmured as you let his words sink in. He didn't seem to have anything more to say on the matter and started to walk away. You called out to him before he could disappear, "H-Hey! Thanks! Uhm...what's your name?"

            He chuckled and it rolled through the metal of the hall, "Tsotahm."

            You smiled for the first time since you got your letters from home, "[Name]."

            He inclined his head, "See ya later, kid."

 --

            You imagined Seigyo was Yiyue when you charged at him with your spear. Hardly difficult considering the grief he was always giving you.

            It was heavy and a little too big for your hands but when you thought of that day all those years ago when you were small and scared and quite unceremoniously buried alive under a slew of rocks and sand and gravel--well, the weight couldn't compare. 

             " _Good!_ " He praised after one particularly violent thrust produced sparks as it scraped over his armor. The whole thing was so unexpected you nearly dropped your weapon. The force of parrying and delivering so many blows over and over pulverized your arm muscles into jelly but that face and your mother's and your father's when he learned and that melon-seller when she heard...It wasn't enough. 

            The anger rushed forward, encouraged by your instructor's positive goading and before you knew it the wood in your hands went up in flames. For a moment you just stood there, frozen. Then, as it settled in that you'd made fire (And all on your own, too! Not because someone had already thrown some at you!) you grinned wickedly. 

            Seigyo started to move forward. You didn't know what he intended but you stopped him with a large fire stream either way. It was sloppy--tendrils peeled off from the main column and curled in on themselves as you pressed forward. The quick clench around your windpipe wasn't quite so merciless this time around. You could breathe and you could feel it now--that rush of anger converted to raw power. 

           In this huge billowing cloud of passion you could see your pain and sorrow and strength and resolve physically manefested and if you could see it then your enemies would, too. Your grin widened as the fire weakened and fizzled out as your breath failed. The cinch released when there was no more air to squeeze from your lungs and you breathed in deeply, "I think I've got it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, is it just me who's getting these huge gaps of empty space in their fics after they post them that weren't there when you were editing?


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